I Thought She Knew
by Sarah Cabbage Patch
Summary: Umm yeah. Just read it. A Titan reflects on the biggest mistake of his life....


Teen Titans: I Thought She Knew

One-shot

Disclaimer: So not mine unfortunately. And neither are the lyrics to "I Thought she knew" by Nsync... yes, yes I do know how lame that prolly sounds. But I am in an extremely bad mood and I was too lazy to pop in Robin Hood so I could finish my other story. So enjoy. Or not. I don't care. So just reply then. Or not again... Not like I matter anyway...

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**She was my once in a lifetime **

**Happy ending come true **

**Oh I guess I should have told her**

**I thought she knew**

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I stand outside in the rain, not even caring as the water runs over my naked face; my hair is hanging, plastered to my forehead and I know everyone is looking at me. But is it pity? Or sorrow? Or _anger _even? I can't tell anymore and, to be honest. I just don't care either. I let a small shudder out of my mouth, ignoring the burning sensation building up behind my lifeless orbs as I continue to stare into space. For the last few days I've been kicking myself for what I did, what I said, _who _I said it to... I never thought I would ever get that harsh with her. But I never thought I would be an important superhero in Jump City either. Apparently, I should never take anything for granted. I learned that one the hard way.

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**She said I took her for granted **

**That's the last thing I would do **

**Whoa I'll never understand it**

**I thought she knew **

**I thought she knew**

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I finally let my eyes droop half-closed as I hear the people around me talking, all of them shifting restlessly in the uncomfortable weather. I have no sympathy for them; I deserve this, I am the one responsible for the rain, for everything. So if they want to leave, then they should, but I know none of them will. I know she meant more to them then they would ever let on and they feel they owe it to her. Myself most of all. I shouldn't be standing here, not like this, never like this.

I sigh again as my mind takes me back to just a few days ago when all of this turmoil started. It seems that my punishment for being in the wrong is to relive every single moment that I should have treasured instead of trashed. My heart feels a tiny pang as I recall her words, no... her _shouts_... directed at me that one night that seems so long ago.

_You take me for granted... Don't you even realize what you're doing?_

I blew her off; told her that she was being crazy and that I would never do that, never take her for granted. I said I cared for her too much and that I did realize what was going on. I was going to change I said, I can feel a break coming, I'll be back to normal before you know it. She just turned away, looking as if I had scorched her when I let my hand rest on her shoulder. She silently walked out, not even looking back, and I could tell she was unhappy but I couldn't figure out why she felt that way. Did I say something wrong?

_Sometimes I feel like I don't even exist to you... That you don't even feel the same way for me that I do for you..._.

As my door slid shut, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion as I pondered her sorrowful statement. She feels like she doesn't exist? That's ridiculous! She knows I pay attention to her more than anyone. But she thinks I don't feel the same? Well... honestly?... I thought she already knew...

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**I thought she knew **

**My world revolved around her**

**My love light burned for her alone **

**But she couldn't see the flame **

**Only myself to blame **

**I should have known **

**I should have known**

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I wipe away the rain that is falling down my face and I am almost startled to find out that it's a tear instead that is making its way down my cheek. I didn't even realize I had been crying, that the single memory of that night would stir such emotions inside of me. I didn't even realize what she was saying to me that night. I was stupid, what can I say? Well, I know what I can say, what I _could _have said... but no, oh no! I just had to be completely oblivious as always and it wasn't until the next day that I realized what she was saying to me. It wasn't until I missed her so much during breakfast, missed her so much while playing video games with the guys, missed her even more during training, that I had the notion of what she had said.

I remember practically flying up the stairs to find her, to tell her that she was wrong and that I did feel the same, I truly did. I remember pounding on her door and getting no answer. I remember running up to the roof and finding it empty. I remember running back down to her room and finding it the same way. Everything was completely empty...everything was gone; her clothes, her sheets, her few pictures, her books..._her_. In a frantic pace, I ran all over the tower calling her name and it wasn't long before the other Titans clued in on what was going on and helped me look for her. But it was too late. I was too late. She was gone.

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**A heart full of words left unspoken**

**Now that we're through**

**I'd sell my soul to have this silence broken**

**Oh I thought she knew **

**I thought she knew**

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For days we searched for her everywhere and for days we came up with nothing. Not even a slight hint to where she had gone, no note, no phone call, nothing. I stayed mostly in my room looking for any trace of her on the computer and still coming up with zilch. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I didn't do anything but try and find her. The others tried to get me to calm down but there was nothing they could do or say to make me stop. She had left because of me, I was sure of it, and it was my duty, my responsibility to get her back and mend her broken heart. I was worried that she really didn't feel the same and I was stupid for thinking that she wouldn't. She had told me quite a few times how she felt about me and I had just said I felt the same and that I cared for her very much. I never said those tiny, and yet, so incredibly huge, and true words.

I didn't think I needed to say it after our relationship had been going on for awhile but apparently I did. I buried myself into my work when _he _showed up again and I realize now that I probably ignored her. I feel so awful now. I wish there was something I could do to take away all the hurt and pain. But there isn't. There is no way for me to tell her how sorry I was and still am. There really is no good excuse for my actions, for my lack of words with her.. I just... I just thought she already knew.

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**I thought she knew**

**My world revolved around her**

**My love light burned for her alone**

**But she couldn't see the flame**

**Only myself to blame **

**I should have known**

**I should have known **

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About two days ago we got a call that Slade was in town and having a little bit of fun down by the pier. We were gone in a flash, the first time my teammates had even seen me since she left almost a week ago. I missed her so much and it showed; my hair was unwashed and sticking up everywhere, my uniform was rumpled, my eyes were bloodshot and their bags had bags beneath them. They gave me a skeptical glance as we all got into the car but I ignored them and kept my focus straight ahead and on the target. We arrived in a short amount of time and instantly I knew something was wrong. I was panicking and scared, but yet,_ **I **wasn't_. It felt like a part of me was somewhere else and I just couldn't figure it out.

It wasn't until Slade appeared a few moments later and with a surprise for all of us. Apparently he had found something of interest to us and he just wanted to give it back. I growled at him and snarled to quit playing games. He just sneered at me and had a few Sladebots come forward with a bundle in their arms. The others noticed it quickly and gasped, Cyborg got angry enough to the point where the door frame he still had in his hands was crushed instantly. It took a few seconds for my eyes to adjust and when they did my stomach dropped to my feet and my heart almost flew out of my chest.

It was _her_, dangling from the robot's ironclad grip and looking unusually frightful. Her clothes were torn up, her hair was all over the place and her face and body were smudged with bruises everywhere. For the first time ever, I saw her cry and it broke my heart in two to see her like this. I don't remember much of what happened next, but I obviously took one of my birdarangs and whipped it out at Slade. He, for once, didn't anticipate my anger and was nicked hard on the side of his face, blood streaming down his cheek from his now-broken mask, chuckling like the very madman he was.

_Tsk, tsk, tsk, Robin... No need to get angry. I was going to give the little birdie back... I just... had a few minor... **modifications**... in mind_.

I didn't even want to pay attention to the evil smirk on his face, and I failed to notice the glint of metal rise suddenly as he walked back towards his captive and the woman of my dreams. I could feel her own heart pounding against mine, screaming for help as the evil reincarnate came closer to her. Her mind thrashed against mine to help her, but it suddenly stopped as her eyes widened and Slade stopped a few feet from her. I was the only one who could not, would not, hear the resonating shot throughout the pier. Myself was focused only on her and the way her eyes seemed to completely lock with mine as one last tear slid down her face, just for me. The last thing I truly remember is her soft, whispered voice repeating throughout my hollow mind every night...

_I love you... I love you so much... Why couldn't you love me?... I love you... Robin...

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**She was my once in a lifetime**

**Happy ending come true**

**Whoa I guess I should have told her**

**But I thought she knew**

**I thought she knew**

**I thought she knew **

**I thought she knew**

**I thought she knew **

**I thought she knew **

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The rain is coming down even harder now and I can feel the others trying to shield me from the harsh weather but I ignore them and shrug their help off. I deserve this. I never told her I loved her and now I never can. She must have hated me enough to have left; she must still hate me as I was indirectly the cause of her death. I just thought she knew! How could she not? Weren't the glances enough? The hugs? The stolen moments? Our words? Our kisses? Our bond? Did any of it mean anything to her? Did any of it let her know how much I loved her? How much I still love her, even now that she is gone forever?

As her body is lowered into the ground my friends try and pull me away so we can let her rest now. I push them off again as I fall to the ground, my tears falling freely and my fists grasping the grass beneath my fingers as if I could pull her back up with me. I start sobbing into the ground as they try to comfort me and lift me back up but by now my mind is completely numb and my thoughts no longer are concerned with their efforts. The one mantra, the one excuse I always gave myself keeps repeating over and over in my head, never letting me rest in the knowledge that I never got to tell her how much I love her. I love her. I've always loved her. I love her, Raven, my one, my only... I love her, but she didn't know. She'll never know...

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**Oh I thought that she knew**

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A/N: So, how was it? Bad? Good? Stupid? Oh well. Let me know how bad and crazy it was, seeing as how it kinda reflected my current mood and whatnot...Hopefully I can start updating my other stories soon... L8R Daze... SCP 


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